The times are changing. With the advent of the new age, man’s simplicity was superseded by inertia. Human society became a victim of severe incontinence. Man’s contentment started changing into resentment. The society was in the need of a constitution which could provide resolution to uproot the present day complexities without performing any partisanship. And, constitution was formed in the country. These multitudinous laws, became a spider-web trap. Lower and middle class people even lost their lives falling prey to it while the higher ones kept it under their feet. It could not be unaffected from bias. At regular intervals, even the field of spirituality saw many constituting revolutions by Lord Mahaveer, Gautama Buddha, Acharya Bhikshu, Shrimad Rajchandra, Mahatma Gandhi, Acharya Tulsi, Vinoba Bhave, and many more. Constitution is said to be the running power behind countries, institutions, organizations, etc., but the most epoch- making question of all is –
Whether a constitution is necessary for a family?
Of course it is imperative.
A right constitution is very much needed in a family more than anything else because an ideal family makes up an ideal nation, organization, society or an institution.
Generally it is seen that it is more difficult explaining something to a close one while the words of a stranger or acquainted ones work expeditiously. The reason is that people are always accustomed of advice from close relatives. It requires only one scream from a teacher in a school of ‘pin drop silence’ and the whole class goes mute, but, many a times, even a tight slap of a mother is not enough to calm a child.
Mismanagement of Time
Today, disproportionate amount of time is being spent on improving external relations, and lots of effort goes into it. But, a man’s focus on developing family relations seems to him as big a task as finding a mustard seed in a heap of grain. Today, the bigger problem than inflation, demonetization, and terrorism is increasing distances in family relations. The very worst use of time is to do something very well that need not be done at all. This is actually man’s own doing. This is because of the denied proper constitution for a family. A small boy questioned his father - “How much do you earn in an hour?” Father was furious at first, hearing such an inappropriate question and strongly condemned him for the same. At night, after getting a bit relieved from his work he approached his son who lay on his bed and asked - “Son! Why did you ask such a question today morning?” Son said nothing. Father said - “I earn 500 Rupees an hour, so tell me what you want?” The child said, removing some cash from beneath his pillow - “Daddy, I am 200 Rupees short of 500 rupees.” Father immediately handed him 200 rupees. Child said, “Papa! You said you earn 500 rupees an hour, so take these 500 bucks and give ME an hour of your time.” After hearing this, the father’s eyes got filled with tears of guilt and humiliation.
Rule 1: Invest in priority.
It is a common misconception that investing gives back only in business, and that too in the form of money. Are investments in relationships not needed? Are investments in spiritual practices not needed? Are investments in virtues not needed? Financial investments can provide only financial profits and that also momentary. But investments in relations, can be useful throughout life and investments in spiritual practices and virtues will reap profits even till many births.
Encouragement: Mantra for Success
Every tree was once a plant. A tiny plant being very sensitive can get destroyed due to heavy rains, hailstorms, droughts, parasites, etc. in infancy itself. Whereas, fully grown trees can withstand fiercest of the storms. Children are sensitive in the same way. A plant needs proper attention, while a tree is self-dependent. Likewise, it is essential to focus on a child’s holistic development. They need encouragement, if parents cannot motivate, the least they could do is not demotivate. After studying rigorously for months, a child gets score of 80 percent in his exams and instead of giving accolades, the first thing that comes out of the mouth of the parents is “ Who got the highest score and what was it?” The child’s morale goes down and he starts thinking that I may not be able to achieve anything.
Hence, Rule 2: Motivate, not demotivate
Motivating children increases their self-esteem.
Tendency to invest less and expectations of gaining more: A BIG PROBLEM
Rule 3: Aspire to take only how much one gives.
A rich fellow and a poor fellow were engaged in business dealings with each other in the form of barter. The rich fellow used to provide 1 kg of cotton in exchange of 1 kg of bread from the poor fellow. These dealings were happening since 16 years on a daily basis and hence, both never really checked the actual weight after exchange. One fine day, when the poor guy brought his share of bread, the rich couldn’t attend him and just directed him to keep the parcel on a table lying in front of him. The poor guy did as directed and left after taking his share of cotton which was readily packed for him. And unknowingly, the package was placed on a weighing machine by the poor guy. After a few minutes, when the rich guy got free, he proceeded to grab the bread and to his surprise, the weighing machine indicator was displaying weight of 900 gm. At first, he felt it must have been an error, but on rechecking he got the same result. He got a feeling of being duped for so many years by the poor guy and was determined to take the matter to court directly. He felt no need of confronting the poor guy to discuss as the estimated loss would have run into 100 grams a day, 3 kg less in a month, and 36 kg less in a year and amounting to 576 kg of total loss in 16 years. On being summoned to the courthouse, the rich man’s lawyer presented his case and the poor was asked for a valid explanation, on which he reverted, “My Lord! I don’t even have measuring weights for my beam of balancing. Whenever, the wealthy man gave me cotton, I used the same to balance the weight of my offering of bread. I used the cotton which was given to me every time by the wealthy guy as my weight” Therefore, the matter was settled in court without prejudice. If we can draw analogue to today’s world, it would perfectly apply to parents expectations from children without giving too much. As it is beautifully said by someone - “To gain something you have to lose something. To gain a lot you need to lose a lot. And in order to gain everything you have to lose everything.
Rule 4: Make a friend out of one's child.
Being first a friend, then a guardian
It has been said in ancient Sanskrit literature –
लालयेत् पञ्चवर्षाणि, दशवर्षाणि ताडयेत् |
प्राप्ते तु षोडशे वर्षे, पुत्रं मित्रवदाचरेत् ||
- The son should be nurtured till the age of five. Once he turns five, he must be disciplined till the age of ten and after the age of sixteen, the parent must manage to make him a friend:
In this ancient stanza, a simple solution has been provided to a very plaguing issue. What do children do? Where do they go? Who are their friends? What mental phase are they going through? Often parents are unaware of these. A large number of children get distressed, and even go to the length of committing suicide, and in many cases, parents do not act until it’s too late. As it was said in the verse, that after completion of 16 years, make a friend out of your son. Why so? When children are passing through a tough situation, and if there is no friendship like bonding between them and their parents, they rather are more prone to share their grief and pain with their friends, who are in fact, equally, if not better, in terms of maturity in dealing and would not be able to provide the right solutions.
But if, children have a friendly relationship with their parents, they will not only be inclined to inform their guardians, with every minor detail, but also, will take suggestive measures prescribed by the parents. And hence, parents will be able to prevent their kids from getting misguided or taking wrong steps.
Give them a chance to think
It is very much a part of Indian culture, especially for elders and senior citizens - “baccho ko sanskar dene chahiye” (children must be imparted with good values, as in sanskar). For doing the same, the word sanskar itself should be removed, because, today are not the days to linger over these time-worn practices of sanskar-giving. Today is the generation of guiding, coaching, informing rather than enforcing one’s decision. Although, though I personally believe in the ancient methods of preaching but they are indigestible for the present generation.
Rule 5: Let kids think. Don’t impress, guide instead
Whatever parents command the children to do, in any given situation, is for their own-good but they can never understand this unless they don’t think themselves. If they are given an opportunity to think, they will reach the same judgement that their guardians wish for. For example - A marriage invitation arrived with some chocolates containing an ingredient which was a not recommended for the child. The father handed the kid that chocolate and informed him about that ingredient in it, and also communicated the harmful nature and left. This act of informing rather than imposing left the child in the state of compulsion to think. He was on the hot seat for the first time with the power to decide. And that led to him thinking about his own well-being. He arrived at the conclusion that he should not consume the chocolate and promptly then returned it to his father. Analyzing the above incident, it can be said that imposing of one’s decisions, even to avoid untoward incidences, can rather make the child to perform the restricted actions.
EPILOGUE
The take away is that people normally count only the floors and unfortunately don’t focus on the foundation beneath the ground as that part is not visible. The building actually rests on that well laid out foundation and hence strong and still.
So, if the aforesaid rules are applied in the family, there are no two opinions that like many other successful nations, institutions and organizations, even a family will always be skyrocketing and remain dynamic forever.